The Eternal Question.
Jake working the Winchester Speedpark SX in July 05.
Photo courtesy www.tomofarrell.com
Why would you let your child do that?
We have all heard that question in its various forms. Perhaps you are trying to explain to grandma how come her sweet little grand-daughter is roosting her friends instead of selling Girl Scout cookies with them. Could be a casual conversation at your kid’s school as to why they don’t see you at the Soccer field. The question came to me one time from a parent of my son’s classmate who plays Lacrosse…..a game with no protective padding to speak of, where they chase you around with a big stick. Maybe you are unfortunate enough to have heard this while sitting in an emergency room somewhere with your injured child. Are you crazy, that’s so dangerous? What could you be thinking? Why would you do that? I can’t speak for the masses here but for me the answer is because I love my child.
What more can you give your child than the opportunity to feel the sense of personal accomplishment that comes from learning how to do something on their own. When my son Jake got his first bike it was something he had talked about doing for a long time. Of course going to the races and watching the other kids on the track convinced him that it would be a cinch to jump on and ride. As is often the case the reality of controlling the bike was a little different than the idea of it and after about 3 minutes of riding/falling over he rolled over to me and said he was done. Now I knew that he wanted to ride but it was hard and he was discouraged. All he had talked about since he could form sentences was how he was going to learn to ride and race in a “real race”, there was no way I was going to let him just give up. Instead of letting Jake stop I leaned over and told him that I knew he was having a hard time with it and maybe he just wanted to quit but I wasn’t going to let him. “Whenever you try something new you are going to fall and it is going to be scary but that is a lot better than being scared to try.” So back out he went and darned if he didn’t come back over after finally catching the hang of it, a beaming look of self satisfaction on his face that fairly screamed “I did it dad!!”
To this day I think that was a pivotal moment in Jakes life where he learned that nothing worthwhile comes easy, more so than I could have ever made him understand with mere words. Does it get any better than that as a parent? Could you ask for anything more than to see your child reach for something work hard and get it?
Now for the flipside, could it be anymore scary for us as parents? I know that I, like most of you, would like life much better if I could always be there to shield my child from harm, be there to stop any and all injustice or pain from befalling the apple of my eye. In case you don’t know me let me just relate this little personal fact, I am just a teensy bit over-protective of my little guy. I have what I call “The List” which started out as a running joke between my girlfriend and I. This list is my record of anyone who has ever crossed Jakes path and caused him any harm. The kid at soccer practice that elbowed Jake in the face, he was the first one on the list. Those older kids at the skating rink who bumped him on the floor a few times as they raced around, knocking him down once….on the list. The list is my way of keeping track of anyone whom I may have to dispatch should they touch him again. So why in the world would I decide to let Jake race motocross? Oddly enough it has actually been a way for me to get used to the idea that I can’t always be there to protect him from the real world. Sometimes life is going to knock him down and there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I guess I have learned something from racing as well, all we can do as parents is suit them up in the safety gear and send them out to fend for themselves. Not surprisingly they do seem to fend for themselves much better than we would like to admit. I got my most graphic example of this when Jake took his first real hit on the track. It was July of last year and we had made our first visit to the Hemonds MX facility in Maine, the mornings races had started well and then a couple motos before Jakes 65-C race came up it poured. The rain stopped but the track had soaked up a lot of water and was messy in spots, one of those spots being the “S” turn at the holeshot. The gate dropped and they sped off into the turn, as the riders tangled up in the turn Jake got stuck behind a rider that slipped and he got crossed up, the bike falling to the right and Jake falling to his left resting on one knee. That is when a kid behind him having the same problem stopping in the pack ran up close behind, jumped his rear wheel and BAM squarely punched him in the back with his front tire and suddenly Jake was face down in the mud being used as a berm. My heart stopped for the excruciatingly long few moments that he was flat on the track, my mind racing “oh my god, he’s dead, oh my god, he is really hurt, what was I thinking to let him….” Then as quickly as he went down he popped up shook the mud off like a dog shaking off after a bath, dragged his bike up out of the muck and off he went. When the race was over, I asked him how he felt after getting run over and he totally dismissed me telling me he just got bumped from behind. I had to show him the tire track across the back of his chest protector before he would believe me. Scared? Yeah just a little and we got off light. I have watched other parents have to follow an ambulance out of the pits and thought to myself how lucky we have been.
Unfortunately life is a dangerous sport in and of itself so there is no shortage of things that can harm our children every day of the week. Two little boys have an argument in the concession stand line after a little league game and one of them kills the other with a bat. More than one little boy or girl has gone missing while doing everyday things never to be seen again, victims of the ever growing population of sick animals roaming the face of the planet. There is no shortage of bad things or bad people in the world and all you can really do is keep your children close to you.
That is another thing that I point out to people when they ask me about our choice of sports. Where else can you go and see whole family’s sharing in the same activity, spending every weekend and many waking moments in between dedicated to a common goal? How many times do you see a sport that your 10 year old daughter, 16 year old son and still thinks he’s an 18 year old husband/father can all compete in on the same day and at the same place? I defy anyone to find another sport where the families involved come together and help each other over the rough spots in life the way the extended motocross family does. OK so maybe I am a little biased. All I know is what I see and that is what I have seen time and again as we have gotten more and more involved in this sport. People from different places and diverse backgrounds who come together to share in the competition and friendship that comes from this sport that we all love as well as the friendships that our children get to form amid the competition. There was more than one race last season where Jake told me that he had seen a friend down on the track and wanted to stop to help them up. That is a sentiment that I have always found sorely missing from the stick and ball sports that dominate the schoolyard.
So why in the world would we let our children do this? Perhaps it is the excitement, fun, family togetherness or the solid values they can learn? Maybe it is the chance for Jake to develop an understanding that life is a difficult bike to ride and it requires practice and dedication to be done well. Could be that I want Jake to understand that even if the goal is never reached the real victory is in the enjoyment you get running the race. All these things have been part and parcel of our experience in this sport. So I put this to all of you that would ask such a frivolous question of those of us that choose to stand trackside and watch our children learn to fly.
Why in world wouldn’t we let them do this?
For more information about Moto Sports magazine publisher
Paul Buckley check out his web site.
http://www.buckleyphotos.com/
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