I have always prided myself on being unfailingly supportive of Jakes riding no matter what place he finishes. I have been very vocal about it when he comes off the track and try to make him feel like no matter where he finishes he is a winner to me. There are times when he rolls off the track after having one of those less than perfect races and it is very difficult to run the same old “Great Job” past someone that doesn’t feel like he just did a great job. Just the fact that he has finished the race was always good enough to me and I wanted him to know that trophies and points don’t matter to me. At the outset of the 2005 season Jake actually told me he wanted me to be harder on him to try and help him ride better. OK so we have tried that and to a certain extent I think it has helped him with some early season cob webs and some bad habits that he had developed.
The problem started when Jake hit sort of a plateau and began to have some issues with getting off the starting gate. Running in any race demands that you get going with everyone else and near the front if possible so even though he was passing a dozen or more riders Jake was struggling to crack the top 15. Each time he would roll off the track after a discouraging run I’d be right there at the track exit to offer my supportive comments and assurance that he had done a great job just by finishing. Sometimes he would accept that and as I pushed the bike back to the pits and he peeled off his gear we would discuss the good and bad points of the race. Jakes mom would also be there to offer her encouragement grabbing his gloves and googles with water bottle at the ready, hugging him and patting his back protectively. Then there were the times when the race hadn’t gone even remotely well, starting last, falling once or more during the race and in general not getting the result he wanted. I was still trying to offer my encouragement but the words only seemed to aggravate him as he would hotly answer me back “No dad that wasn’t good I rode awful!” A few times he came off the track and was upset to the point of tears complaining about the way the bike rode or that he didn’t like the Supercross style track he was sometimes racing on. I wish I could say that I took it in stride and let him vent but instead I vainly tried to convince him that he had done a good job or that the track was the track and he just had to deal with it. Well a couple times it came to point of us yelling at each other and even me suggesting that if he was having such a bad time maybe we should sell the bike and just stop. It was one of those times in your life that you wish you could reach out into the air and grab the words back before they got away from you but of course you can’t.
After that day I tried to take stock of what it was that I was trying to do for Jake and make sure that I didn’t let my own temper or feelings get in the way too much. I decided that I was just going to let Jake have his time mostly to himself and after a few simple words I would leave him alone after the races.
It all finally became clear to me in the fall series when Jake had one of those races that are just heartbreaking to watch. Stalled the bike off the gate then got going pretty good only to get too high in a corner and go down. Up and running again when he washed out the front end and face planted in a particularly fast section, hitting the ground hard right in front of where I was standing in the mechanics area. He picked it up and got going but the shear frustration was visible as he took off. Rolling out the exit gate in dead last he was obviously angry and his mom and I walked a wide path behind him and just tried to let him calm down. We got back to the pits; put the bike and gear away then hung out watching the other races that were going on. Jake had grabbed himself a bottle of water and came over to the fence where I was standing, we stood there without talking for a few minutes then I looked over at him and could see the disappointment on his face. The supportive, loving side of me couldn’t stand it anymore so I said “Listen pal I know you aren’t happy with the way the race went but it is just one bad race. You know I don’t care about that, what is more important to me is that you didn’t quit you kept on trying. Getting a trophy or finishing top five isn’t everything. I love you pal and it’s more important to me that you have fun, trophies and all that stuff it just doesn’t matter to me.” At that point Jake looked up and met my gaze squarely and with a fire in his eyes he said “Well it matters to me Dad!”
That was when I realized something, I had been trying to find a way to make myself feel better about what was happening on the track and trying to make Jake see it my way. It isn’t about me, it’s about him. Jake has set himself a goal and rather than try to make him feel better when he doesn’t reach it I needed to do whatever I can to help him get there. It may never happen but if I have done everything I can to give him the opportunity and the tools then the rest is up to him. How he deals with making it or not making it happen the way he wants it to is all part of life and there is nothing I can do to control that, all I can do is be there. Until he asks for help I have to let it go because I can't tell him how to feel but then again he can't tell me not to be proud no matter what.
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